Who Am I???

Today I spent the day doing research to start a press kit so that we can submit our film to festivals. In a press kit, it is essential to include bios about all of the people involved in the film. I started trying to write my own and I realized, I hate singing my own praises. Why is it so easy for some people and so hard for others?It's strange how certain things come up in life and present themselves in more than one venue.

Right now, defining myself is a very prevalent theme in my life. I am looking for a new job. I am suffering from 'struggling artist syndrome' (I made that up) and have to find a better way to support myself than the system I currently have in action.

I'm trying to decide, do I give up my dream and get a 9 to 5? Do I get a job at a better restaurant where my spirits are higher and the money is better? Although I have decided upon the latter, to continue forth with my dream and find a different restaurant, I am still confronted with the dilemma of defining myself.

Whether it be in an independent film bio, a job interview, an agent's office or in front of a casting director who wants to know to whom I normally get compared, I feel like I am always trying to fit my square body into a circle spot. Why can't I just be me? Can't you just tell all that you need to know by talking to me? Why must we go into the past and recite all that we have done? I know that's the whole point of developing a resume and a body of work, but just as Bob Dylan says, 'Everything passes, everything changes, just do what you think you should do.'

Can't we all just be in the moment for once!? That's what I want to tell everyone I meet. Do you like me or not? What's your first impression? Don't make me explain myself. Don't make me make excuses. Just judge me and and take me or let me go. Oh Lordy! If only life were that easy...

It seems that the resolve is this, at a certain point we are all products. Selling ourselves to something or other so that we can make a living. Whether we are doctors gathering patients for our practice, lawyers convincing clients we can defend them, wedding planners picking out the prettiest dresses or artists explaining our films, we all have something to sell. And nobody wants to buy a product they don't understand or doesn't bring them some sort of hope.

But isn't it more truthful to just be who we are, do the best that we can and offer no guarantees?