Somewhere in the past year a woman by the name of Thea- Marie Perkins wrote, produced, directed and starred in a short film called 'Nurse Seacole'. I had a small part in the film. At that time, I was nowhere close to making my own project and it was difficult for me to empathize with her process because I had no comprehension of what it actually took to wear so many hats at once. Not to mention her film was a period piece, taking place in the 1800s, which brought her to a whole new level of complexity.
It's amazing how much our previous experiences inform our desire and ability to embark upon our own dreams. It wasn't too long after I finished working with Thea- Marie that I started writing my own short film. Watching her over the few days that I was on her set, gave me information that I otherwise would not have had. It's only now though, looking back that I realize what I really gleaned from that opportunity.
It's always so interesting what hindsight does. We grow and then we look back and realize that maybe our perspective in the moment was not as clear as we thought it was. Maybe we didn't have the experience to really understand what was occurring.
If I'm honest, when I worked on 'Nurse Seacole', I had trouble fully enjoying the experience. I was upset I didn't have a larger part. I felt unrecognized for my work. What a diva? Right?!? It's embarrassing to admit that, and maybe I shouldn't, but I know I don't ever learn anything unless I tell the truth.
A wise man once told me, 'If you can't handle a little, how are you going to handle a lot?' A year ago, I couldn't handle a little. I really couldn't. I was too wrapped up in my own self will and desire to see that the experience was not about me.
It wasn't until I made my own film that I realized how incredible the work that Thea- Marie did was. It wasn't until I made my own film that I realized how essential the positive energies were of every participating person. And, it wasn't until I made my own film that I saw how my judgement came from a lack of understanding, and as a result, I missed a chance to get to know a person who had a lot to teach.
I decided it might be a good idea to try and reconnect with Thea- Marie and ask her all the questions I now had after going through an experience that was slightly paralleled to hers. I was interested to see what I would learn from being open to viewing a previous experience through new eyes.
How interesting that now that I'm wrapping up my film making process and getting ready to screen my short, I'm facing the very same fear of judgement. How do I deal with it? What do I do when people have negative things to say about something that means so much to me? How do I explain that it was a story I wrote for cathartic purposes with hopes of conveying a message? What if no one gets it? What if no one shows up? All of these questions flood my head.
I wonder how Thea- Marie dealt with that.
Well, Ms. Thea- Marie Perkins was kind of enough to meet up with me for coffee last Thursday. She let me ask her any question I wanted and was entirely candid with her responses. (In the midst of our interview, Eddie Murphy walked in, a perfect poetic interlude to our discussion of film.) She told me about her moment of inspiration, she shared with me the challenges she had to overcome along the way, and she showed me her beautiful trailer (made especially for the Palm Springs Film Festival). But, I must say my favorite part of the entire discussion was her response to the most important question.
How do you deal with judgement?
"I think Serena or Venus said it best," Thea- Marie replied. "You have to surround yourself with your dream team." She told me you have to have a certain amount of tunnel vision and let the negativity slide off the walls of your tunnel. Keep your eye on the goal. Let the positivity in and let the negativity roll off.
I must say, it's incredible in life when experiences come full circle. What if Thea- Marie had let judgement get to her? What if she hadn't completed her film? What if she hadn't had the courage to wear all the hats that she did in order to make 'Nurse Seacole'?
It's entirely possible that I wouldn't have had the courage to make my own film. I wouldn't have had the chance to see my own behavior and perspective and make a shift. Merely being on her set and then having a chance to meet with her almost a year later and connect, changed my life.
Surround yourself with your dream team. Don't give up. Know that judgement comes from ignorance. Experiences come full circle. These are the lessons I learned from you, Thea- Marie Perkins. Thank you so much for your wisdom, courage and dedication to your dream.
Below is a link to the trailer for her film. It has been accepted to The Film Market at The International Palm Springs Short Fest, and many more to come.
http://www.youtube.com/user/CREATEYRDREAM#p/a/u/1/cpZQrgjX8xw
